


Someday We Will Be Home

by witchseeker1133



Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Lots of Angst, M/M, Non-Consensual Kissing, Not Beta Read, alex is in law school, basically communication is really important in a relationship, because alex is stupid and henry doesnt like emotions, henry and alex live together, henry and alex sort of break up but it has a happy ending i promise, henry is sad, literally my first fanfiction ever so sorry yall, lots of emotions, people flirt with alex and he's completely oblivious, they kiss in the rain, wayyyyy too much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28041162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchseeker1133/pseuds/witchseeker1133
Summary: Alex wasn’t home yet.He was hardly ever home on time anymore, though. The sun had set hours ago, and Alex was supposed to be home for dinner, but of course he wasn’t.His phone was lying face-down on the counter beside the coffee maker, but Henry didn’t bother turning it over to see if he had any notifications. He knew there were none.ORAlex is super invested in law school and starts to forget that Henry needs him too. And when a guy starts getting a little too close to Alex, it all comes tumbling down and Henry can't take it anymore.Communication is the most important thing in a relationship!This is... not a very good fic, but I don't care enough to delete it
Relationships: Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor
Comments: 46
Kudos: 135





	1. Paranoid

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!! This is literally the first fanfiction I've ever written, so your hopes should be very low for this. I wrote this whole thing is about three days in a Google Doc and have it all mapped out already, so I'll probably post one chapter a day (they're pretty short). Warning, it is VERY angsty and sad (if I've managed to write it well enough), so don't read this if you want fluffy stuffs (there is zero fluff, except for maybe the end of the very last chapter). It does end happily, though
> 
> The title of the fic is a line from the song "Home" by The Unlikely Candidates
> 
> This chapter title is the song "Paranoid" by Lauv

Henry POV:

Alex wasn’t home yet.

He was hardly ever home on time anymore, though. The sun had set hours ago, and Alex was supposed to be home for dinner, but of course he wasn’t. Henry had given up and ordered himself Chinese from the place down the street from their shared brownstone and was currently curled up on the couch watching an old episode of Bake Off. 

He threw the empty Chinese container onto the coffee table and sighed loudly, curling his knees to his chest and resting his chin on his forearms. Alex had been so excited when Henry had asked him to move in with him, and had seemed to love the brownstone from the moment he stepped foot inside. Now, though, it was like he would do anything to stay away.

Henry was so lonely.

Alex had started law school three months ago, two months after they had moved in together, and though the first few weeks had gone fine, he had started drifting away. Henry, at this point, wasn’t even sure if Alex knew he was doing it, but that didn’t excuse him for his behaviour. On weekends he stayed out until midnight, when the university library closed for the night, and sometimes wouldn’t be back for hours after that. Apparently he was studying in coffee shops or the library closer to the brownstone at those hours, which didn’t have half as many books but was open 24/7. 

_It’s just how he is,_ Henry would tell himself whenever he fell asleep with only David beside him in bed. _We’ll be better when he’s done with school,_ he thought each time his texts went unanswered for hours at a time. But that was years away, and though Henry knew Alex was just trying to be the best he could be, he oftentimes felt that it wasn’t enough. Not when he only saw Alex in the mornings and every so often at dinner, always with his face stuffed inside a textbook while he ate or spoke. 

Henry hated that he thought it wasn’t enough, because of course _Alex_ was enough. Alex was all he needed to be happy. That was exactly the problem, though; Alex was never around anymore. The one person Henry needed in his life, and they were drifting away without even noticing. 

He tried to pay attention as Paul and Mary taste-tested another pastry on his TV, but his eyes slid in and out of focus and he realised they were filling with tears. He laughed softly and wiped at his eyes with the sleeve of Alex’s sweatshirt, which he had taken to wearing since the owner was never around to curl up with. That reminder just made him cry more, though, and Henry shook off his blanket and stood to find the tissues. He always tried not to cry, but it wasn’t like anyone was here to say anything about it to him.

His phone was lying face-down on the counter beside the coffee maker, but Henry didn’t bother turning it over to see if he had any notifications. He knew there were none.

\--- --- ---

Henry woke up hours later still on the couch, half the blanket thrown onto the floor and one sock halfway off his foot. The TV still showed Netflix, and was stuck on the “Are you still watching this?” screen. It took him a second to remember what, exactly, he was doing on the couch, before he remembered he had fallen asleep here. 

His sleeping pills were working, then, which was good. He was supposed to take them a few hours before he planned on sleeping. Alex had convinced him to start taking them months ago, when Henry was practically asleep on his feet after setting up the shelter and when Alex had still noticed things like that. 

Alex. Where was he? Henry stood, his bones cracking and his neck aching from sleeping on it wrong, and frowned at the sunlight streaming through the kitchen window. Was Alex _still_ not back from whatever he had been doing? He went to the counter and flipped his phone, which was now almost dead, over to look at it. 

**Alex♡, thursday 6:23am**  
_hey babe i’m sorry, i fell asleep at the library_  
_i promise ill be home for dinner :)_

Henry scoffed against his will and threw his phone back onto the counter. Instantly regretting it, he picked it back up and thumbed across the screen

**Henry, thursday 9:01am**  
_It’s alright, I can’t wait to see you_

He squeezed his eyes shut, as if that would prevent the tears from tracking down his face. Alex hadn’t even come _home_ last night. And all he had to say was _sorry?!_

It was becoming too much. This was last year all over again, except worse. Last year they had been living across the ocean from one another, pining away and doing everything in their power to see each other, yet they saw each other only once or twice a month.

Now, they _lived_ together, yet it felt like he saw Alex even less than before. 

Henry tried to be productive until he had to leave for the shelter at 10, but couldn’t bring himself to do anything other than make a cup of tea and sit back down on the couch. He inhaled the scent from Alex’s sweatshirt, but it hardly smelled like him anymore, and that made everything so much worse. 

His phone was in his hand before he knew what he was doing, and Pez answered after two rings. 

“Henry?” he said, his voice tinny. 

“Pez-” Henry started, but his voice cracked. “Er, sorry, I just…” he trailed off. 

“Are you alright, Hen?” asked Pez, worry entering his tone.

“I… no, I’m not, I’m sorry. I don’t know if I can come in today.” 

Pez was silent for a moment. “Alex?” he asked softly, as if afraid to bring it up. Last time Pez had mentioned Alex when he called and said that Henry didn’t seem as happy around him anymore, Henry had hung up on his best friend. 

“He didn’t even come _home_ last night, Pez. And all I got was a text saying ‘I’m sorry’ and that he fell asleep at the library. That he’d be home in time for _dinner._ ” His voice cracked again, and there were definitely tears running down his face even with his eyes tightly closed. “I know this is how he is sometimes, and that he gets distracted with work, but Pez, I haven’t even really _spoken_ with him in days, he’s never here, I can’t-” He broke off with a sob, afraid to finish that sentence. 

“Henry…” his friend said, still soft, slightly sad. “You don’t have to come in today. I’ll come over later and we can watch Bake Off and that drag race show Nora showed you a while back and when Alex gets home we’re gonna make him talk to you, okay?”

Henry bit his lip. “I… yeah. Yes please. Thank you.”

“Alright,” said Pez. “I’ll make up some excuse as to why you aren’t here today, text or call me when you’d like me to come over.”

“Thank you, Pez,” Henry said, his voice steadier but tears still drying on his face. “That means a lot.” He hung up and sunk his head back into the couch, trying and failing to stop his tears. He wished he could just fall asleep again and wake up when Alex got home for their promised dinner together; he didn’t want to wait that long.

\--- --- ---

For most of the day, Henry was useless. He’d gotten up a few times to use the bathroom or make more tea, and once to get a new box of Jaffa Cakes, but overall he was simply a pile of bones and flesh that couldn’t stop crying.

It wasn’t even like this was anything new, though. There had been days before, days leading up to big exams, where Alex had fallen asleep at a library table while or, ironically, the back of a coffee shop, and not made it home. But he’d alway made it up to Henry with a homemade meal or a late night in bed. But recently, like today, all Henry had gotten were texts with half-arsed apologies and excuses. 

He loved Alex. That wasn’t a question now, and it hadn’t been a question since he’d first met him in Rio all those years ago. But, with everything going on, he was starting to question whether Alex loved him. 

Well, no. He knew Alex loved him. Love can’t just disappear in a few weeks. But he wasn’t sure whether Alex was _in_ love with him. It was almost easier when they had lived on opposite ends of the world, corresponding through emails, calls, and meetups at social events and hotel bedrooms. And Henry hated that, despised that he had thoughts like that, but he couldn’t help it. Of course he was happy he and Alex lived together, but when he had suggested it he had meant for them to really live together. Not just live in the same house and eat the same food. To actually live together. 

He wanted to wake up next to Alex and fall asleep next to Alex and eat breakfast next to Alex and kiss Alex every chance he got, to make up for the 21 years he hadn’t been in his life. Henry couldn’t even remember the last time they’d been intimate, and that probably meant it had been a long time ago. He was lonely, and upset, and could feel himself falling back into his dark days again.

\--- --- ---

Pez came over after lunch to cheer Henry up, bringing bottles of beer and an infectious smile. He didn’t press Henry to talk to him about anything right away, because he could probably tell it wouldn’t end well for either one of them. Instead, he turned on Bake Off for them to watch and they both sat on the couch, curled up in blankets. 

“Do you think you should talk to June about him?” Pez asked him suddenly. Henry glanced over at him.

“...what do you mean?”

“I don’t know,” started Pez. “She grew up with him, she’d be able to tell you if this is just actually how he is or if there’s something else...going on.”

Henry blinked. “Maybe,” he said slowly. It was probably a good idea to talk to his sister. “Though I already know that this is just how he is. He won’t stop working until his coffee runs out, and even then he’ll probably keep going until he physically can’t.” 

But he could ask June if there was a way to get through to him, to tell him it was unhealthy to both of them, to ask him to just calm down and realise that he was smart enough to get through law school without putting in so many extra hours.

“Just an idea,” Pez said. “And you’re probably best calling her in the mornings, if you do end up talking to her. She doesn’t start working until later in the day.”

“Oh?” asked Henry, smiling slightly. “And how do you know that, Percy?” His friend smiled broadly.

“We aren’t dating, but she is definitely interested. We’ve been talking a lot recently.”

“That’s wonderful, Pez!” exclaimed Henry. He was still upset about Alex, but hearing that at least one person was doing well in their love life was enough to bring a bit of spirit back into him. 

\--- --- ---

It was getting dark, and Alex wasn’t back yet. Henry glanced at his phone; no new messages. His phone didn’t even say Alex had _read_ his message, even though it had been almost twelve hours since he’d sent it and his classes ended at 4. It was now almost 7, and there was nothing. 

“He’ll be here, Henry,” Pez said soothingly, plucking his phone out of his hand and putting it on the coffee table. “He’s gotta feel bad about yesterday; he’ll be here. His phone might've died for all we know.”

“...right.” But Henry wasn’t sure. His heart ached, and all he wanted to do was lie down next to the love of his life and never move again, but he couldn’t stop worrying that maybe Alex was just fed up with him. What other reason could he have to explain how he’d been acting? Or maybe he’d just found somebody better… maybe a guy or girl less complicated and depressing than Henry was…

He was crying again. Wonderful. And for an absolutely ridiculous reason, too. Alex would never cheat on him. If he really had found someone better than Henry, or even if he was just bored with Henry for whatever reason, he would have just said something and left. Alex would never _cheat._ But Henry had been spending weeks now telling himself those things, and yet he still couldn’t come up with another excuse for why Alex kept pushing himself away.

“Hey.” Pez placed a hand on Henry’s arm. “Whatever’s going on with Alex, it’s going to be okay. He loves you.”

“I know he _loved_ me,” Henry said softly. “We were in love. But now he’s… he’s drifting away and I don’t know how to follow him. Or if he even wants me to.” He glanced up at the clock. “It’s late, and he’s not home, and he probably won’t come home. Maybe I should stop taking those sleeping pills, maybe then I would be awake when he comes home so late.”

“Henry, you said it yourself, sometimes this is just how he is. He was like this last year, too, remember? During his finals at Georgetown?”

“But it was never like _this._ This is different.” Henry pulled his knees to his chest. “I’m worried about us. I’m worried about _him._ He needs sleep and he’s not getting any, as far as I know, and he’s never home and we haven’t had an actual emotional conversation in weeks and I miss him more than I’ve ever missed anything in my life. I miss him more now than I did when we started this whole thing.” 

Pez was silent for a moment. Then another moment. 

“I think you need to talk to June, Henry,” he said at last. “I haven’t talked to Alex recently enough to be able to figure out what’s going on in his mind. I know she hasn’t either, but I meant what I said before. She knows him, probably as well as you do.” Henry sighed.

“What if he forgot about tonight, Pez?” he said, even quieter than before. “It’s happened before.”

“No. He’s going to be here, and if he did forget then I’ve got a lot of choice words for him next time he does decide to show up.” Henry smiled softly at Pez’s words. But he still wasn’t sure. He wished he knew what was going on inside his boyfriend’s head. And why it was almost 7:30 and he still wasn’t home, even though he had promised to be home an hour ago.


	2. Defenceless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex almost forgets about dinner with Henry and studies with a friend instead, and Henry is sad but Alex doesn't know how to fix it (idk how to summarise things)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is the song "Defenceless" by Louis Tomlinson

Alex POV:

Alex shook out his hands as he sat down for his first class. They were cramping already from his all-night study session at the library, and though he was thankful he wouldn’t have to write anything by hand, he would have to type notes which was almost as bad. 

His phone vibrated right as the professor stood up to start class. Alex’s fingers itched to check it, recognising the vibration tone as the one he’s set for Henry, but he didn’t want to take his phone out during class. 

Honestly, Alex couldn’t remember what exactly he’d texted Henry this morning, when he’d woken up surrounded by law textbooks and notes on various subjects and had dove right back into his work until it was time to head to class, but he knew Henry would understand. He’d been so helpful and understanding about Alex and his classes and his stress, and it was just one night, anyways. 

Lucas slid into the seat next to Alex, a few minutes late as usual, and smiled sheepishly as he took out his laptop. Alex smiled back and subtly moved his screen towards him to show him the notes he had taken on the lecture so far (a lot, surprisingly, since the class had just started, but the teacher _never stopped talking_ ). Lucas’ smile widened and he copied the notes onto his own document.

He was blond, around Alex’s height, and well built from going to the gym every morning (which Lucas used to explain why he was late every day). He had sat next to Alex in every class they had together, which was a majority of them, since day one, and had always been very nice and friendly to him. Alex appreciated it, because even though he knew he would be able to talk to most people and make connections with them, he always had a hard time making real friends. 

After their first class, he and Lucas walked to their second. For some reason, Lucas always walked with him, even though Alex knew he had a lot of other friends. He was really talkative, and Alex caught at least a third of the girls in their lectures staring at Lucas at one point in time or another. 

Of course, they could also have been looking at Alex, since they always sat next to each other, but he doubted it. Since his speech about his sexuality a year ago, guys had hit on him as well as girls, but that didn’t change that fact that he was Henry’s, and Henry was his. Even if girls were staring at him instead of Lucas (though he didn’t care in the slightest which one of them it was), it wouldn’t affect anything in him. He loved Henry.

Alex was about to take his phone out of his pocket to look at said boyfriend's text from before when Lucas sidled up beside him and nudged him with his shoulder.

“Hey,” Alex said, smiling. He looked down at his phone again, squinting in the bright morning sunlight.

“Thanks for the notes, Alex,” Lucas said happily, smiling across at him as they walked. “I’m still kinda stuck on what we went over at the end, though. Do you think we could meet up and study together or something? I’m shit at that class.” Lucas laughed as he said the last bit.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” responded Alex. He gave up trying to see the screen (it was way too bright outside) and put his phone away, vowing to look at it later. 

Lucas smiled. “Awesome, thanks. When are you free?”

“Um,” he started. He didn’t have his notebook where he wrote down his schedule, and there were way too many thoughts floating around in his head to be able to memorise another thing. “After class, I think.”

“Great!” exclaimed Lucas, bumping his shoulder again. “We can meet up then and go to the campus library. I go there to study sometimes but you probably know where all the good books are, which would be useful.” Alex laughed and agreed, and they headed off to their next class. 

\--- --- ---

It was Alex’s last class of the day, and his eyes were starting to droop shut. He’d only gotten a few hours of sleep last night, even though it was a weeknight and he’d vowed to only stay out all night on weekends, and it was catching up to him at last. 

Lucas had to keep nudging him awake with his knee, which Alex thought was a little weird but wasn’t going to complain because he didn’t want Lucas to think he was weird. He rubbed his eyes in an attempt to stay alert for the last ten minutes of his class. 

When they were finally let out, Lucas herded him to the library and chose a table at the back, surrounded by stacks of thick, dusty law volumes. Alex groaned as he sat down, completely done with life at that moment. 

Lucas chuckled and set his laptop and textbook down, and they got to work. 

After an hour, Alex wasn’t completely sure why Lucas had asked him to help study, or why he had said he didn’t know what he was doing in that class, because it seemed like Lucas knew exactly what he was talking about as they poured over textbooks. It was refreshing, because a majority of the people in their lectures would not stop asking stupid questions (anyone who says stupid questions don’t exist has obviously never been to one of Alex’s classes).

“Wow, it’s already 7,” Lucas said after what seemed like hours of studying. Alex jerked his head up.

“Shit.” He reached over Lucas to grab his phone out of his bag and hit it a bit too hard to get it to turn on. “ _Shit,_ ” he said again, more forceful this time.

“What’s wrong?” his friend asked, his voice a bit high. Alex sat up, realising he was still leaning heavily over Lucas, and thumbed over the screen. 

“I’ve gotta go, I’m sorry. I promised dinner with Henry and I didn’t get home last night and ugh I’m sorry.” He reached over for his bag (Lucas sucked in a breath as their shoulders touched, for some reason) and slung it over his shoulder after pushing his textbooks inside. “Text me if you need more help, yeah?”

Lucas turned in his chair, looking a bit sad for reasons Alex didn’t have time to work out, and nodded. “Thanks for helping me,” he said, smiling now. “Hope your dinner goes well.” 

“Thanks,” said Alex as he offered Lucas a smile and turned to the door. He couldn’t be late to this, not after yesterday. He knew Henry would understand, he always understood, but still. One late night too many and Henry might…

But Alex wouldn’t let himself think like that. Henry loved him. He seemed so understanding about Alex and his school process (however unhealthy it was). He wouldn’t leave, there was no way. 

Alex headed home as fast as he could, promising the cab driver an extra-large tip, and practically flew up the stairs to the brownstone. It was 7:30 by the time he made it to the door. 

He took out the chain from around his neck, the one that held his Texas house key, their current house key, and Henry’s signet ring from the private airstrip all those months ago, and slotted the key into the door. He blinked a few times to keep his eyes open (he was still bone-tired, it was shocking he’d stayed awake at the library) and pushed the door open, smiling at the thought of seeing his boyfriend.

His smile vanished when he saw the only light on in the brownstone was the one next to the couch, and that the TV was playing the nature channel softly, which was something Henry only put on when he didn’t care about paying attention. 

And then he saw Henry, curled up on the couch in Henry’s sweatshirt, with Pez beside him with David the beagle at his feet. Had they been having dinner with Pez tonight? It was possible, though Alex couldn’t really remember discussing it.

Alex set his bag down on the counter with a soft thud, causing Henry and Pez to glance up from the couch. Pez was looking at him strangely, and then he was standing and coming over to the kitchen where Alex was.

“Hi, Pez,” he said as the man stood in front of him by the counter. “Is he… okay?”

Pez narrows his eyes slightly and frowned at Alex, but said nothing.

Alex tried again. “Are you here for dinner?” 

“Are you?” Pez asked, still frowning. 

Alex frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?” He hadn’t been home early the past few days, and maybe he was a little late tonight, but he was _here,_ right? “I was studying and lost track of time, but Henry will understand. I got here as fast as I could in the traffic.”

Pez opened his mouth, but said nothing and raised his arms slightly. He went back to the couch and leaned over the back to say something to Henry, then patted him on the shoulder and strode back to the kitchen.

“Have a good night, Alex,” he said as he passed. “Talk to him, please.” Alex watched as Pez left and went to lock the door behind him, then turned and walked to the living room. Henry was staring at the TV but his eyes slightly unfocused, so Alex knew he wasn’t really watching it.

He went around the side of the couch and sat next to his boyfriend, leaving an inch of space between them. Henry’s knees were curled up to his chest, and unless it was just the lighting, the skin around his eyes were red and looked like he’d been crying.

“Henry…” Alex started quietly. Henry looked over at him and smiled softly, his mouth curling up in the way Alex loved so much. 

“Hello,” was what he said, reaching out a hand. Alex took it and held on.

“I’m sorry about being late, Henry, I just lost track of time… Why was Pez here?”

Henry’s smile dropped, and his blue eyes seemed sad. “I didn’t go to the shelter today, Pez was just checking up on me. I’m alright,” he said in response to whatever Alex’s face showed, “just tired.”

“Have you been taking the sleeping pills? Have they not been working?” Alex had made him start taking them a while ago, but only now was he realising that he often wasn’t home or present in reality enough to truly realise how his boyfriend was sleeping.

Henry made a soft noise, like a laugh, and Alex frowned in confusion. “What?” he asked.

Henry looked at him. Alex could, now, see that he had indeed been crying. “Nothing,” he said softly. “Yes, I’m taking them, and they’re working fine. I just didn’t feel well today is all.” Alex frowned hearing this and held Henry’s hand tighter. 

“Can I do anything?”

He made the same noise, confusing Alex even more. “I just want dinner, Alex, don’t you? I doubt you’ve eaten much today.”

Alex shrugged. He had eaten lunch with Lucas. Something was going on with Henry, though, and he knew it now, but he was afraid to ask. There was a darkness in Henry’s bright blue eyes, similar to the times when he thought about his father too much. Alex was a bit hungry, though, so vowed to ask him what was going on later.

“Chinese?” he suggested, reaching for Henry’s phone to order. 

“Er, sure,” Henry said. “I had it yesterday, though.”

Alex paused and pulled his hand back. “Oh,” he said. Right. He hadn’t come home. He bit his lip. “...I’m sorry about yesterday, Henry. I really didn’t mean to fall asleep. I had coffee, too, so I don’t know what happened.” He watched Henry’s face, but it was blank other than his eyes, which still looked immensely sad. 

“I know,” Henry said finally. “I texted you it was alright. I just… I miss you sometimes. And I worry about you. When you don’t come home and I don’t know where you are, and you don’t answer when I call…” he trailed off, looking nervous. 

“I promise I'll do better, okay?” Alex said softly, almost a whisper. “I’ve just got a lot going on right now and it’s been stressful.”

He felt Henry’s hand loosen slightly in his own, as if he wanted to pull away. Alex gripped his hand tighter, refusing to let go. 

“...right,” was all Henry said in response. 

“Should I call the food in?” he asked. Henry nodded and resumed looking at, but not watching, the TV. 

Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. And although Alex was currently ranked sixth in his class at law school, he didn’t feel smart enough to figure out what it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeahhhh so basically this whole thing is gonna be sad/not very good, just a warning :)


	3. Too Young

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry starts to think maybe they can fix whatever's going on, until Alex gets a text from a certain someone that makes Henry re-question everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is the song "Too Young" by Louis Tomlinson :)

Henry POV:

Alex was home. He was here, and he had asked Henry actual questions about his life with love etched into his face, and Henry had almost laughed at the foreignness it all. 

And then Alex had tried to excuse himself. _“I’ve just got a lot going on right now”_ , he’d said, as if that made it okay for him to just not come home one day. And sure, of course, Henry would forgive him, and maybe never bring it up again, but he wouldn’t forget it. He needed a real apology. He needed his boyfriend. He needed to have Alex that way he’d had Alex months ago, before he’d started law school. 

And now Henry felt like crying again, while his boyfriend was in the other room ordering Chinese with a phone that was obviously not dead. Henry sunk back into the couch and stared at the TV without paying attention. 

He wanted to go into the other room and crowd Alex against the counter and lift him onto the table. He wanted to kiss him senseless and touch him until the only thing he could say or think was Henry’s name. He wanted it so bad.

But he couldn’t, because if he did, Alex might not let him. He hadn’t touched him in weeks, had hardly kissed him either, and Henry didn’t think he was strong enough to get through Alex pushing him away one more time.

Alex came back after a bit, phone in hand, and sat a few inches away from Henry. He bit his lip and curled his fingers into his palms to stop himself from pulling Alex into his lap; he obviously didn’t want to be close to him. 

“Bake Off?” Alex asked him, smiling, looking a bit nervous for some reason.

“Er, sure, yeah,” Henry agreed halfheartedly, picking up the remote from the armrest and switching to Netflix. 

Alex leaned back into the couch and curled up under the blanket Pez had been using. Henry watched him unlock his phone out of the corner of his eye, worried that if he looked at Alex head on he would indeed start crying. He saw Alex smile at whatever was on his phone, and start typing something. Presumably he was texting someone. Henry felt a sudden rush of emotions. Jealousy, mainly. Who was Alex texting that could make him smile so much, when all Henry seemed to do was bore him? He swallowed. It was probably just Nora, updating him on her college experience at M.I.T., or maybe June, talking about her newest journalism job.

They were silent until the doorbell rang, when Alex set his phone down between them to go set up the food. Henry's finger twitched.

He would not look at his phone. He would not look at his phone. He would not be that boyfriend, even under these circumstances. 

Alex’s phone buzzed and lit up, the lock screen an image of Alex kissing Henry in front of the White House.

Henry glanced at it from the couch as Alex opened the door to pay the delivery person, telling himself it was just to see that picture again.

**Lucas :), thursday 8:03pm**  
_how does tomorrow afternoon sound? :))_

Henry squeezed his eyes shut. He wouldn’t cry. No, he would not. Because that text could mean any number of things. He’d heard Alex mention Lucas a few times in the beginning of his law school career, but didn’t know anything about him. He could be a teacher, for all Henry knew. And he shouldn’t have looked at the phone, anyways, even if it was just the lock screen. That was such an invasion of privacy. Even if Alex was texting another guy, seemingly setting up some sort of meeting. Because. It could be anything.

Henry wasn’t going to jump to conclusions. Alex would _never_. Cheat. 

Alex thanked the person at the door and locked it, then returned to the couch with a bag of steaming food. He sat cross-legged on the cushion, facing Henry. Henry smiled warily at him, unsure of what was about to happen.

“I wanted to apologise again,” Alex said, handing Henry a container of food. “I know I’ve been… distracted, a lot recently, and I’m sorry for that. I should be home more.”

Henry nodded, biting his lip. “Where were you? Why were you an hour late?” he asked. He hoped it was just that a class had gone long, or he had gotten lost or something. Both were unlikely, but the alternatives were probably worse.

“I was with Lucas at the library, helping him study,” Alex responded. “He’s pretty smart, though, so I don’t really know why he needed help.”

Oh.

Yes, that alternative was worse. 

_Although,_ the reasonable part of his brain says, _Lucas is probably just a friend. Just because Alex is bisexual doesn’t mean that every guy he hangs out with is suddenly someone he’s interested in._ And that was true, and Henry knew it was true, but other parts of his brain were yelling louder. 

“So you forgot about saying you’d be home for dinner?” asked Henry nervously, quietly. “And just made new plans?”

Alex frowned, his brows knitted together. “I didn’t really forget, babe, I just thought I’d have enough time to help him and also get home in time for dinner with you. I’m so sorry I didn’t, though. It’s my mistake and I want to make up for it.”

Henry nodded slowly. He didn’t know what to say to that. He started eating the Chinese food, and eventually Alex did too, turning around to watch the TV. 

On the show, someone mentioned Paris, and Parisian foods. And Henry couldn’t help but think back to a year ago, meeting up with Alex in the city of love.

It was the first night Alex had forgotten to send Henry back to his own hotel room, and subsequently they had woken up in the same bed. Sunlight had been streaming onto Alex’s perfect, gorgeous body, and Henry had never seen anything as beautiful as that. He still hadn’t, and probably never would. 

Back then, that had scared him, to be so in love with America’s Golden Boy. And then they had been out to the world and suddenly it wasn’t so scary anymore, because he had Alex and Alex had Henry and it wasn’t a secret anymore, and they could start waking up with each other without worrying what the papers would say.

Now, though, it was beginning to scare him again. Alex had spent time with another guy instead of coming home on time for dinner, and even if they were just friends, the thought of that made Henry cringe. Surely Alex knew he didn’t have to spend hours studying every day? That he was smart enough to be able to get through school _and_ spend time with Henry?

Henry felt like those were selfish thoughts, though. Alex had the right to go through law school however he wanted to, and if that meant making friends and helping them and hanging out with them a lot, Henry had to be okay with that and respect it.

If that were true, though, why did Henry feel so awful right now?

\--- --- ---

At 11 o’clock, Alex announced he was going to bed. Henry looked up at him as Alex put his phone down; he’d been on it practically the whole time. Smiling, too, Henry might add. And he couldn’t help but think, _Maybe Alex would be happier if he were with Lucas, or anyone else, right now._

But he just smiled and nodded and said he’d go up too, and so they both picked up the empty Chinese containers and cleaned up the living room and kitchen. It was all so perfectly domestic that Henry almost forgot everything that had been happening (or rather, not happening) over the past few months. 

Almost.

They were quiet as they both went upstairs to the bedroom. Alex’s phone buzzed once or twice, but he pulled it out of his pocket and placed it on his nightstand without looking and went into the bathroom. Henry sat on the bed and tapped his fingers on his thigh. It was laughable that he was nervous, but it was the first time in a while that he and Alex would be falling asleep at the same time, while in the same bed. It was like Paris all over again.

Alex came out of the bathroom and pulled his shirt off, placing it in the laundry hamper with his socks. Then he sat cross-legged on the bed and glanced at his phone.

Before Henry thought too carefully about what he was doing, he leaned across the bed and kissed his boyfriend. Alex stiffened for a moment, and Henry almost pulled away before Alex opened his mouth to him. 

Henry smiled into the kiss, breathing in Alex, Alex, Alex. He pulled him close to him, running a hand down his arm and leaving it on his hip. It had been too long, and as Henry slipped his tongue into Alex’s mouth, and when Alex made a faint noise of approval Henry wanted to do things to him he knew he shouldn’t. 

He slipped a hand back into Alex’s curly hair, tugging slightly, pulling him towards him, hoping Alex understood what Henry wanted - no, needed - to happen right now. It had been _too_ long, Alex must be feeling it too-

And though he did seem to understand what Henry wanted, instead of doing anything, Alex placed a warm hand on Henry's chest and pushed away slightly.

“I’m sorry, babe. I’m just really tired right now,” Alex said, smiling like something was amusing.

“Oh,” Henry replied stupidly. He sat there for a moment, his body stuck, before letting go of Alex’s hair and pulling away. 

Alex placed a hand on his knee before he could move his body. “Another time, okay? I promise.” He said it with a light in his eyes, and Henry truly did want to believe him, but…

“Yes, no yeah I get it, it’s okay” was what he said instead of _“Would you rather it be someone else in bed with you tonight?”_ Because, again, Alex wouldn’t cheat. Henry was just in his head again, making things up because Alex was too busy with school to push him down into the bed and take him apart. 

Alex smiled sadly and tucked himself into bed before reaching for his phone again, and something inside Henry was slowly breaking apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is painful  
> Also, I don't condone looking at other people's phones (even if you don't actually touch the phone) but Henry was super stressed and we all know he doesn't handle that too well  
> I'm writing another fic that _also_ has them broken up because apparently that's what I enjoy writing about😂 Not sure when that would be a thing I post but yeah :)


	4. Enough For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex confides in Lucas, and makes plans for a date with Henry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is the song "Enough for You" by Saint Claire :)

Alex POV:

His eyes kept trying to slip shut, and his leg was numb from laying still for so long. He gladly would have fallen asleep, but Lucas kept texting him and Alex honestly had no idea how to tell him that it was too late to be talking without coming off as rude and ruining their friendship. 

Henry was lying next to him, breathing lightly. The sleeping meds were working, then. Henry had used to take hours to fall asleep, even when Alex was beside him.

His phone buzzed in his hand again, and he held back a sigh.

**Lucas :), friday 12:23am**  
_we should get coffee before the library tomorrow :)  
i know a great place on campus_

Alex glanced over at Henry again. Maybe he should come right home after his classes were over? He had seemed really sad today; he hadn’t even gone to the shelter, which he usually enjoyed so much. But maybe he wasn’t liking it as much anymore? 

Again, Alex felt a pressing feeling in his throat, reminding him that he hadn’t even been home enough to notice if Henry still enjoyed his job. Maybe that was what Henry was so upset about. But then why wouldn’t he say something? 

Maybe he was upset that Alex was home, though. _That makes no sense,_ a voice told him. _Nothing makes sense anymore,_ a different voice responded. Alex closed his eyes and leaned back into his pillow. No, Henry wouldn’t be mad that Alex was home. He’d seemed so sad when he’d asked where Alex had been, why he’d been late, if he’d really gone and made other plans. 

But Henry could just be fed up with Alex at this point. Maybe he was just done. Too many hours not spent with Alex, too much free time; had Henry found someone else?

No, that didn’t make sense either. He had just tried to make out with Alex. And Alex had _wanted_ to, of course, but he was exhausted, and worried that he’d only end up disappointing his boyfriend if he tried to be intimate right now.

Alex glanced at his phone again, the cursor blinking up at him as he grappled with different ways to tell Lucas to kindy fuck off for the night - the morning, now, actually.

**Alex, friday 12:27am**  
_somethings come up for tomorrow, sorry  
maybe another time, though?_

**Lucas :), friday 12:27am**  
_henry?_

**Alex, friday 12:28am**  
_ive been away from the house a lot, ive gotta make sure hes ok_

**Lucas :), friday 12:28am**  
_cant you just look and see if hes ok?_

**Alex, friday 12:30am**  
_mentally, i mean  
im worried about him_

**Lucas :), 12:30am**  
_why?_

**Alex, friday 12:35am**  
_its stupid_

**Lucas, friday 12:36am**  
_you can talk to me about anything  
even henry_

**Alex, friday 12:40am**  
_im afraid that if i keep spending so much time on school, he’ll leave and find someone who can spend more time with him  
that he’ll get bored or something  
bc i cant stop being obsessed with work  
what if how i do college messes up what we have_

**Lucas :), friday 12:43am**  
_…  
if youre questioning your relationship that much…  
maybe it wasnt meant to be?_

Alex stared, not knowing how to respond to such a blunt statement.

**Lucas :), friday 12:45am**  
_maybe that sounded harsh, im sorry  
i just mean  
people dont usually question things that much unless theres a reason for it  
maybe it would be easier for you to be with someone with more similar circumstances?  
someone like me, maybe? ;)_

The cursor blinked at him, as if urging him to respond, but he still didn’t know what he was supposed to say to that. “Someone like me?” Was Lucas flirting with him? Honestly, Alex had no idea, and was too tired to try to figure it out right now.

**Alex, friday 12:48am**  
_its late, ive gotta get some sleep  
night lucas_

**Lucas :), friday 12:48am**  
_good night, Alex :) sleep well_

He frowned at the screen, reading and rereading what he and Lucas had texted. And God, Alex sounded awful. Of course how he did college would be messing up him and Henry; how he did college was _wrong,_ and _unhealthy._ Normal people didn’t stay up for multiple days at a time to study the same book 15 times. He knew that. But he had been raised as an overachiever, and he wasn’t really sure he could change how his brain worked. 

He shut his phone off and turned on his side, facing away from Henry, the words _maybe it wasn't meant to be_ ringing through his head.

\--- --- ---

Alex woke at around 6:30, according to his phone. He glanced over at Henry, who was lying on his side facing Alex’s side of the bed, still wearing his sweatshirt, and smiled slightly.

He’d almost forgotten how good it felt to fall asleep and wake up beside his boyfriend. Of course, he had been home most nights, but often was too tired to really _look_ when he slept or woke up. He felt well rested now, though, and was content to stare at Henry for a while before he had to get up and go to class. 

Sadness rushed back in when he remembered last night. Henry being so quiet, Henry kissing him and Alex gently pushing him away. The fact that they never slept _next_ to each other anymore, just slept in the same bed. Alex leaned back against the headboard.

It was hard, now, thinking about how they had been months ago. Everything had been so bright and cheery, so happy and wonderful. They’d cuddled every night. Playfully fought over Star Wars movies and whether Pez and June were together yet. Alex had made Henry dinner and afterwards they’d rush up to bed to burn the calories. He had been so happy to move in with Henry; everything in Alex’s world had been right.

But there was something wrong now. Alex was messing things up, that was obvious enough, he just didn’t know how to fix it. Henry hadn’t mentioned ever being upset that Alex was home late, or not home at all. He always had seemed to understand that this was just how Alex was, and that when school was over they could go back to being what they were before. But maybe he was getting fed up with it all. They hadn’t really touched each other in a while, maybe… maybe Henry _had_ found someone else.

Alex grimaced and shook his head. No, Henry would never do that, because he was Henry. Sure, he probably missed Alex a lot, but Henry wouldn’t ever cheat on him. If it was really that bad he could just say something, and Alex would move out. Not that Alex thought Henry could ever tell him to leave; he hadn’t been able to the first time they fought, when Alex was sure Henry would break up with him the next morning in Kensington but had stayed anyway. 

How was Alex supposed to fix this when Henry wouldn’t talk to him about what he was feelling? He knew for most of his life Henry hadn’t been able to be vocal about his emotions, hiding them inside instead, but this was _Alex_ for God's sake. He would listen, and he would understand, and he would do something. He couldn’t do anything if Henry wouldn’t talk to him, though.

“Alex?” a rough voice said from his side. Alex opened his eyes to see Henry stirring next to him, lifting his head from the blue pillowcase they’d picked out together. 

“Hey,” Alex said softly, inching back under the covers on his side to be closer to him. “Did I wake you?”

Henry blinked at him. He truly was beautiful, even in mornings. “I usually get up around now,” he said. “You’re just always gone by then.” He looked sad. Alex hoped he wasn’t sad that he was still here today; that would break him.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said. “Did… did you want me to go?”

“No, of course not!” exclaimed Henry, voice still quiet. “I’m just a bit surprised is all.” Alex’s heart stopped running a marathon at that, glad that he did still want him around for now.

He leaned over and kissed Henry on the forehead, smiling. “I’m leaving soonish, but I will be back after class, okay? I’m writing it down this time. We can go out or something.” Henry looked shocked for a moment before seemingly pulling his face together.

“Er- yeah, that sounds wonderful,” he said. “You didn’t… have anything? After class? I don’t want to get in the way of anything.” He still sounded sad, and also nervous. His mouth was curling down, doing the little thing it always did when he was afraid to say something. Aex hated he was the reason for it.

“You can’t get in the way of anything,” Alex reassured his boyfriend. Henry still looked nervous, though, and Alex wasn’t sure what else he could say. “Did you wanna go out?” he asked softly. “I know I haven’t really had time lately, and I’m sorry.”

Henry muttered something under his breath, but Alex didn’t hear. He decided not to press it as Henry sat up and leaned against the headboard. “That sounds lovely, yeah,” Henry said finally. 

“Great!” Alex opened his phone to pull up a list of restaurants nearby. This was good. They would go out and have real conversations and he’d stop being stupid and thinking Henry wanted someone else. A text came in as he opened Google, and he clicked to it without thinking.

**Lucas :), friday 6:57am**  
_you sure you arent free later? i do know a great coffee place_

Alex frowned. Hadn’t he already said he was doing something with Henry? _And_ confided in Lucas about how important it was that he and Henry talked to each other?

**Alex, friday 6:58am**  
_yeah im sure, im going out with henry_

**Lucas :), friday 6:58am**  
_aw too bad. another time though, right?_

**Alex, friday 6:59am**  
_sure yeah_

Lucas was’t usually this pushy, and it was getting a little annoying. He switched back to Google and tried to find a good place for dinner. Once he had a pretty good idea of what their plan would be later, he left his phone on the bed and got up to use the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lack of communication _hurts_.
> 
> I hope you're enjoying so far :)


	5. Lookalike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry gets sad and calls Bea, who helps him through his thoughts. Then he gets home early and finds Alex - and someone else - in their apartment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt bad about the last chapter being so short _and_ since I already have this whole thing mapped out I decided to update twice today :)  
> Chapter title is the song "Lookalike" by Conan Gray :)

Henry POV:

Alex was here, and he’d promised that they would go out later, and he had kissed him. Well. Not _kissed_ him. But the point still stands. Henry was probably just overthinking everything. Alex was just really busy, and fell asleep in libraries sometimes, and when he was done with college everything would end up alright. He leaned back and closed his eyes.

Alex’s phone buzzed. Henry looked towards it without thinking, already hating himself for looking but as he did he was unable to look away.

**Lucas :), friday 7:01am**   
_awesome! i cant wait to see you in class today ;)_

He stared. He couldn't stop staring, even after the screen faded black again. Because no, everything was not alright. Henry was not overthinking things, at least according to that text. Obviously “Lucas” and Alex were close, if they were texting late at night and this early in the morning. _I can’t wait to see you in class today ;)_. What did that even _mean?_ Why was there a _winking face??_ Were they- was Alex-

No. Sure, that text was...damning, but Alex wasn’t the one that had sent it. Someone could just be hitting on him. Alex was probably telling him to stop, probably would text back just that when he got out of the bathroom, because he had a boyfriend and people shouldn’t be flirting with him. That was obviously what he would do.

Henry stood, unable to sit in the bed looking at the phone anymore, and grabbed a fresh shirt and pants for after he showered. He picked up his own phone and texted Pez.

**Henry, friday 7:07am**   
_I’m coming into work early today, I’ll be there soonish._

Pez was always at the shelter early to take care of things, so Henry knew he’d be there today. He felt bad about not going in yesterday, honestly, and wanted to make it up to Pez. They were in this together, after all.

“I thought you went into work later in the day?” asked Alex as the bathroom door opened. Henry tried not to stare at his boyfriend's muscled bare chest and nodded. 

“Usually, but since I didn’t go in yesterday I wanted to go in earlier today.”

“Oh yeah, that makes sense,” said Alex. Henry smiled, but even he could tell it looked fake. Alex didn’t seem to notice, though, and picked up his phone from the bed. Henry watched, waiting for the moment Alex would open the text and frown, or at least look a bit upset at the obvious flirting.

Alex smiled at his phone and texted something before shutting it off and going to get a shirt from their dresser. And another little piece of Henry’s heart broke off into the abyss.

So maybe Alex didn’t mind that someone was flirting with him. Maybe… maybe he was even flirting back. Maybe Henry was getting too boring for him, too quiet or dark or repetitive. Maybe Alex really was getting fed up with him, and had instead found someone who made him happier.

A feeling was building up in his jaw, down his throat into his stomach. Henry bit his lip to keep from crying while Alex was in the room and went into the bathroom instead, not noticing Alex’s look of concern. He locked the bathroom door and leaned over one of the sinks, staring at himself in the mirror. His breath was coming faster, and though he wasn’t crying yet, he probably would be soon. He felt awful. He felt disgusting. Both because he had looked at Alex’s phone, and because of what he had seen on it. And what Alex’s reaction had been.

Henry stripped and turned on the shower water, trying not to think of memories of the last time Alex had showered with him. He leaned into the water, breath still coming in gasps, hoping that the scalding heat would calm him down. This was bad. It was all so bad. The last time he’d had a panic attack like this was on his father’s birthday, when he’d flown back to London to visit his grave and Alex had to physically restrain him up so he didn’t destroy himself.

“Fuck,” he whispered to himself as he slid down the shower wall and let his head fall beneath the water. 

\--- --- ---

When he got out the shower and pulled his clothes on, Alex was already downstairs getting ready to go to his classes. Henry tried to smile at him, telling _himself we’ll talk when we go to dinner,_ but it wavered when he saw Alex didn’t even notice him walk into the kitchen. He was scrolling through his phone and leaning over the counter looking at something in a textbook.

Henry walked into the kitchen behind his boyfriend and took the coffee out of the coffee maker; Alex hadn’t noticed it was done.

“Oh hey, sorry,” Alex said, looking over at him and smiling sheepishly. “I’ve got a test next week, I’m just making sure my notes are good.”

“Yeah,” was all Henry said as he poured the coffee into a mug and made it just how Alex liked it. Again, Alex didn’t even seem to notice that Henry knew exactly how to make it, and just took it and drank as he kept scrolling through his phone and through highlighted passages of text. Henry clenched his jaw and started getting breakfast for himself ready. Alex would get his own on the way to school like usual. 

“Bye, sweetheart,” Alex said as he picked up his books and bag and leaned in to kiss Henry. It took everything in him not to pull away, and his smile was a thin line as Alex slipped his shoes on and left. As soon as he was gone, Henry leaned heavily against the counter and closed his eyes, circling the place on his finger where his signet ring used to be.

\--- --- ---

Henry got to the shelter and almost immediately was hounded by Pez, who asked him how it went and if Alex had apologised for being such a prick the past few months. Henry didn’t really know what to say.

“You mean you didn’t talk to him?” asked Pez incredulously. 

“I.. I _talked_ to him,” started Henry. “Just not about anything important. Well, I told him I wished he was home more, but I don’t really think he got it.”

“Henry, he’s not _going_ to get it if you don’t _tell_ him what’s going on. Call June, okay? Or even Nora. Or Bea, she always helps you though stuff! They’re all better with talking about emotions than you, they’ll be able to help.”

And so Henry called Bea, hoping to be able to figure out what, exactly, was going on with his Alex. He would have called June, but then he might have to explain that he had looked at Alex’s phone and he wasn’t sure he could do that right now.

“Henry?” asked Bea over the phone. 

“Yeah, hello, sorry, are you busy right now?” he had asked, nervous.

“I’ve got some free time right now, it’s alright. Is Alex there?”

“Er…” he didn’t really know how to start. “No, he has classes. I’m calling because… well, I’m worried about him, I suppose. He won’t stop working and he isn’t ever home anymore.”

“Oh Henry, I’m sorry,” Bea said, sounding very sorry indeed. “He can get like that sometimes, though, June’s complained about it before.”

“Right, but it’s been _months_ and he’s still like that. Ever since he started law school. He fell asleep at the library the other night and didn’t even come home.”

“Oh…” Bea sounded worried too, now, and Henry wished he could see his sister's face. “I’m sorry. I’m sure it wasn’t, like, a purposeful thing, though.”

Henry frowned. “I’m aware, but it’s happened more than once now.”

“Have you talked to him about it?” asked Bea. “That can’t be healthy for him. Or for your relationship! How are you doing with everything?”

“I… it’s been difficult. I don’t think we’ve had a real conversation in weeks. He’s always… busy.” 

“Busy with school?”

“Yes, and…” he trailed off, not knowing if he should mention that he’d looked at Alex’s phone.

“What is it?”

Henry took a deep breath. “I may have accidentally seen a text message on his phone that was… well, it sounded like a guy flirting with him, and then Alex smiled at it when he saw it… I’m just…” he wasn’t explaining this very well, was he? “I know Alex wouldn’t cheat on me. I know that. But at the same time, he’s been so distant, and he almost forgot about our dinner yesterday because of the guy who’s been flirting with him, and it’s… what if he’s getting tired of me, Bea?”

Bea was silent over the line, and Henry bit his lip to keep from saying anything else.

“I don’t know Alex as well as you do, Henry,” she said finally. Carefully. She sounded sad. “So I don’t think I can answer that with certainty. But I do know that every time I saw you two together, you both looked happier than humanly possible. If you’re really worried about something like that happening, I think you should just talk to him. Clear the air, get it all out.”

“So I just walk up to him and say, ‘are you cheating on me?’ That’s absurd. He’d never trust me again, he’d think I’m some deranged jealous boyfriend that doesn’t want Alex to have any friends but me.”

Bea sighed. “Henry, right now _you_ aren’t trusting _him,_ ” she said. “I really think you should just talk to him about it. And about how worried you are about him pushing himself so hard at university. None of this is healthy.”

“No, you’re right, I know. It’s just stressful,” Henry said. “Thank you, though.”

“Of course, Henry. Call me if you need anything, alright?”

“I will, thank you. Have a nice day, Bea,” he said and hung up. He went back to Pez and tried to pay attention to what they were working on, but it was hard, and eventually Pez had him go home two hours earlier than usual. 

“You need rest, Hen, and you need to figure out what you’re going to do with Alex. Please just go home, I’ll see you monday okay?” Pez said when Henry tried to resist. Eventually, though, Henry did leave, knowing Pez was right and that he wouldn’t be able to focus for the rest of the day.

\--- --- ---

When he got home from the shelter at three, he didn’t expect Alex to be home already (or to be home at all, ever), but his bag was on the counter when he opened the front door. 

Another bag that he didn’t recognise was there, too. Henry frowned and set his bag down on a chair and quietly walked into the living room.

Alex was there, sitting on the couch watching the news (of course he was), and an objectively attractive blonde guy was beside him, also watching the TV, head resting on the couch near Alex’s shoulder. Henry froze.

“Alex?” he asked in a slightly strangled voice. His boyfriend glanced up, as did the guy that was sitting way too close to him for Henry’s liking.

“Oh hey,” said Alex, smiling at him. “I didn’t think you got home until five?”

“Who is this?” asked Henry, ignoring Alex and nodding towards the blonde guy, even though he already knew.

“Lucas.” Alex smiled. “This is my boyfriend Henry,” he said to the man. Lucas smiled at Henry, but it didn’t look like a real one and Henry reflected it in his own face. Alex didn’t seem to notice that the two were staring at each other. “Our professor got sick and we got out early, but Lucas lost his apartment keys so I thought he could stay here until his roommates got let out.”

“Right,” was all Henry said as he backed up into the kitchen to distract himself. “Don't let me interrupt you, then.” Alex had a confused look on his face, but Henry ignored it and went to make himself some tea, almost tripping over David in the kitchen. He was fuming. 

Alex had _invited a guy into their home._ What had been going on between them before Henry had gotten home, Henry wondered. What if he had walked in on them? He didn’t know what he’d do if that had happened. He didn’t want to think about it. And he definitely didn’t want to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for adding more pain to your day😬  
> Hope you enjoyed the double update today :D


	6. Polygraph Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex leaves Henry alone for a while end ends up at a bar with Lucas. Then... things happen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is the song "Polygraph Eyes" by YUNGBLUD :)

Alex POV:

Alex stared over the back of the couch at his boyfriend. He looked… upset? Sad? Angry, even? Was Alex missing something? Sure, maybe he could have texted Henry and let him know what he was doing, but he’d figured Lucas’s roommate would be out of class and able to help Lucas before Henry got home and he wouldn’t have to bother him about it. Alex would have made sure Lucas was home by the time it was time for him and Henry to go out. And what had he meant, “Don’t let me interrupt you”? What was _that_ supposed to mean?

“I can go, if he doesn’t like you having people over,” Lucas said softly, putting a hand on Alex’s knee. Alex turned back around to face him. 

“It’s fine, I guess. I don’t really know what’s going on with him. Something probably happened at the shelter, if he’s home early.”

“Does that mean you’re free tonight?” Lucas asked, his hand warm on Alex’s leg. Alex gently placed a hand on his and removed it from his leg. Lucas was being really weird; he’d been touching him the shoulders or legs all day. Frankly, it was annoying.

“No, we’re still going to dinner, and you’re gonna be gone by then because it's dinner for me and him, ‘kay?” He really wasn’t sure how else to put it so that Lucas got it. “He’s going through something and I’ve gotta be there for him.”

Lucas snorted. “Going through something? Really? Didn’t you _just_ tell me yesterday that you think you guys are gonna break up? _That’s_ probably what he’s going through.”

Alex jerked his head around to look into the kitchen, to make sure Henry hadn’t heard the things Lucas said. His boyfriend gave no indication that he had, and Alex let out a breath.

“You can’t _say_ things like that,” he hissed. “And that’s not even what I said.”

“Um, yeah, it is. You said he’s getting bored with you. Honestly, I would end it before he does. It’s easier that way.”

“Lucas,” Alex said, staring at him. “Stop. Please. I love him, okay? Just because you don’t think we _match,_ or whatever, doesn’t mean you’re right.” He really didn’t understand why his friend was being like this.

“I’m sorry, Alex,” he said. “I’m really just trying to help. I honestly think you’d be better with someone who gets what’s going on.”

“What does that mean?” asked Alex, annoyed. Lucas placed a hand back on his knee.

“Someone who goes to school with you, maybe? Just someone who you’re not worried is gonna get bored with you, or fed up.” Alex removed his hand again and stood up.

“I”m gonna go talk to Henry, okay? Please find out when your friends can give you a key to your apartment.” Lucas looked sad, but nodded and took out his phone. Alex walked around the couch and into the kitchen, where Henry was making himself tea. 

“Hey,” he said softly, standing next to him at the counter.

“Why is he here?” asked Henry, something caught in his voice.

“Lucas? I told you,” Alex said. “It was either here or stuck standing outside his apartment for hours.”

“So? It’s his fault he lost his key,” said Henry, voice like ice. He still wouldn’t look at Alex.

“Henry, he’s my friend, I’m just trying to help-” Henry shook his head, cutting Alex off, and turned and marched out of the kitchen. Alex stared after him as the water on the stove started boiling, not knowing what he was supposed to say or do. Not knowing what he had done to make Henry so upset. He took the water off the stove and poured it into a mug, starting to make Henry’s favourite tea.

Lucas came into the kitchen and sidled up next to Alex. He put a hand on his shoulder, their hips touching. Alex wrinkled his nose but didn’t want to be rude and push him away, so he continued getting the tea ready.

“Henry okay?” asked Lucas, worry in his voice.

“I don’t know. He doesn’t want you here, I know that much.”

“What, he doesn’t want you to have friends? That’s toxic, Alex. Just do what you said and leave him, he’s not good for you.”

Alex did push him away then, unable to care about Lucas’s feelings at this point, and put the tea aside. “No. Please stop. He’s not like that. And this is my relationship, Lucas. Not yours.” Alex was deeply regretting inviting him over, though he didn’t really know why, and wanted Lucas to leave. “You need to go.”

Lucas looked appalled. “What, so your jealous boyfriend gets home and suddenly I’ve gotta leave?”

“Yes.”

Lucas snorted again. “What a great relationship you’ve got going on here, Alex. He probably just wants me to go so he can break up with you.” He picked up his bad and swung it over his shoulder. “Let me know if you change your mind about what I said.” He left through the front door, Alex watching as he left. He furrowed his brows as he picked up the tea and turned to go find Henry.

“What a great friend he is,” said Henry from the doorway to the living room, arms crossed over his chest. Alex opened his mouth to say something, but stopped when he saw Henry's face. It was drawn tight with pain, and his chin was jutted out the way he did when he was about to say something he didn’t think he was supposed to say. Alex wondered how long he’d been standing there. “What, exactly, are you supposed to change your mind about?”

“Henry, I’m sorry, I really didn’t think you would care-”

“Whatever, Alex. I don’t.”

“I…” Alex bit his lip. “Are we still going to dinner?”

Henry stared at him for a moment, his eyes flicking to the steaming tea in his hands and back up to his face. “I’m not really feeling up to it anymore, sorry.” He turned and walked back the way he’d come, towards the stairs. 

“Henry, please,” Alex said softly, putting down the tea and going after him. He reached out and turned him around by his arm, holding him in place. “I need you to talk to me. I’m sorry. What can I do?”

“Can you just-” Henry started, his blue eyes flashing with pain. He stepped back, out of Alex’s arms. “Can you please just leave me alone right now? Go stay with Lucas if you want to be around him so badly.”

“Go stay- wait, Henry, what?” Alex’s voice was rising, both in volume and octaves. What was Henry saying? Was he saying… was he telling Alex to leave?

“Just go, please.”

“...for how long?” he asked, voice shaking. If Henry was really telling him to go, that he really needed to be alone, then Alex would respect it, but…

“Come back later. Just go now, please. I don’t- please.” Henry was shaking, and his eyes looked wet.

“What did I do?” Alex asked softly. But the look Henry gave him told him that if he didn’t already know, he wouldn't get an answer. Henry turned and went up the stairs. 

Alex didn’t follow.

\--- --- ---

He left through the front door a minute later and almost walked directly into Lucas. 

“What do you want?” he asked, voice still shaking slightly. 

“Why are you out here?” said Lucas, looking at him strangely. 

“Henry told me to leave and come back later. I think he needs to be alone. Why are you out here?” 

“I was going to come back and apologise. I was… well, I wasn’t very nice to you, was I?” Lucas looked sincere, and Alex smiled slightly at him through the haze of pain.

“Yeah, you were awful,” he said. “To me _and_ Henry. I promise, he’s never like that. I just wish he’d talk to me about what's going on.”

“I’m sure he will when you get back,” Lucas reassured him. “Do you wanna stay at my apartment for a few hours? We can get a drink after.”

“Um,” started Alex. For some reason, Henry didn’t like Lucas, and he didn’t want to do anything to make Henry more stressed or upset. But, Henry had also just sort of kicked him out, and Alex really didn’t have anywhere else to be right now. “Sure, I guess.”

“Awesome!”

\--- --- ---

Lucas had two roommates, guys, named Steve and Roman. They were both nice, and let Alex make a bunch of coffees for everyone. They had both yelled happily when Alex had followed Lucas through the front door, but he wasn’t really sure why. They all sat on the couch together for a few hours, and at one point Lucas had started resting his head on Alex's shoulder. Steve and Roman had given each other some sort of knowing look when that happened, but Alex didn’t really notice much of what was happening. 

His phone was in his hand the whole time, and he kept checking his messages. 

**Alex, friday 4:43pm**  
_im so sorry  
can i come home so we can talk_

**Alex, friday 5:58pm**  
_please henry  
i feel so stupid, i need you to talk to me_

It was like when Henry had ghosted him last year all over again. By 7, he stopped looking at his phone.

Lucas stirred and lifted his head off of Alex’s shoulder (thank god). 

“What time is it?” he asked groggily. 

“Around 8,” Roman answered.

“Hey Alex,” Lucas started, looking at him, “wanna get drinks? I can bring you home after.”

Alex looked down at the phone clenched in his hand, at his unanswered messages to Henry. It couldn’t hurt to get a little drunk. He’d feel better, and he was always more honest with alcohol in his system. That might make it easier to talk to Henry. “Sure, yeah,” he said.

They both stood up and Lucas led Alex back to his car. “There’s a good bar near here, the bartender always gives me half-off drinks.”

Alex nodded, but still wasn’t really paying attention. What if Henry _never_ responded to his texts? What if he really did want Alex gone? 

They were silent as Lucas drove to the bar. When they got to a place with bright pink signs and people flooding in and out, that Alex had walked by before but never really noticed, he just stared straight ahead.

“Hey,” Lucas said gently, putting a hand on Alex’s thigh. Alex flinched and moved the hand away, noting Lucas’s face of annoyance but not caring enough to figure out why, exactly, he was annoyed. He opened the car door and climbed out into the noise, Lucas getting out on the other side. 

“Lucas, people are gonna recognise me here,” Alex hissed to his friend as they walked up to the bar. “I’m still the First Son.” Lucas waved him off as they went past the bouncer and into the club. 

“It’ll be fine, everyone here’s super nice,” he said.

Alex swallowed. He didn’t think people wouldn’t be nice, it was that if he was _here,_ with someone that wasn’t Henry, someone was sure to start a rumour, and he wasn’t sure if he could take that right now. Or ever, really. The horrors of the press were never ending. And if someone did start something, then Henry would see it. He’d already seemed jealous, like Lucas had said, and even though Alex didn’t get why, he hated knowing that he was causing Henry pain.

Lucas placed a hand on his back as they went up to the bar and sat down near the wall. The bartender looked to be about their age, if not a little older, and smiled at them as they sat down. Liam said something to him over the sound of the crowd, and the bartender left and returned a moment later with two drinks. Alex downed it in seconds, not caring what it was, and Lucas chuckled as he drank his at a more leisurely pace. It went on for a while, them drinking in silence.

“Y’all okay over here?” asked the bartender later as he filled Alex’s drink again. His name tag read “Ryan”. 

“Yeah, just a rough day for this one,” Lucas responded, nudging Alex with his shoulder. Alex smiled weakly as Ryan cocked his head at them.

“Wait- are you-” he began, looking at Alex.

Alex laughed. “Yeah,” he affirmed.

Ryan smiled broadly and held out a hand to him. “I’m sorry about your day. It’s an honour to meet you, though! My dad did a bunch of volunteer work for your mom’s campaign last year.” Alex smiled and shook the bartenders hand.

“That’s awesome, man,” he responded, trying to sound excited even though worries about Henry were still bouncing around in the back of his head. Lucas seemed to sense what Alex was feeling, and placed a hand on Alex’s thigh again. Alex put his drink back on the coaster to move Lucas’s hand away, but before he could do that the bartender noticed.

“Are you two-” he attempted, then paused, a strange look on his face. Alex nudged Lucas’s hand off his thigh, because it was an uncomfortable and strange thing for a friend to do, but the bartender must have thought he was holding Lucas’s hand. “I thought you and that prince had a thing?” Ryan finished. “Didn’t y'all, like, fight the queen of England over it? Is that not happening anymore?”

Alex opened his mouth to answer that yes, he and Henry were still together, but before he could say anything, Lucas interjected: “They’ve got some issues, I doubt they would have lasted much longer anyways.” He grabbed Alex’s hand as he said it.

“Oh, that’s too bad, I’m sorry ‘bout that,” said the bartender, looking at Alex sympathetically. Alex was about to say something but Ryan sauntered away to go fill more drinks, so he jerked his head around to Lucas as, pulling his hand out of his friend's tight grip.

“The fuck is wrong with you?” he shouted, though it sounded quiet with everything else being so loud. “Why have you been such an asshole today?” Lucas frowned. 

“You honestly won’t last much longer anyways, dude, I’m trying to help you out with the press,” he said, as if it was obvious. 

“So you’re pretending Henry and I broke up?” Alex was mad. Who did Lucas think he was, going around telling people he and Henry were through? He _loved_ Henry, with all his heart. He’d fought tooth and nail for them to be together and one fight wasn’t going to ruin things between them. “What, you’re trying to make everyone think we’re dating now? Who the fuck do you think you _are?_ ”

“Hey, I said you needed someone who understands you,” Lucas said, shrugging. “That’s me.”

Alex was speechless. He tried to stand up from the bar, but he’d already had a few drinks and his head felt immensely heavy. Lucas stood with him, holding him steady. “Take me home,” Alex said, taking out his phone and finding his messages with Henry. It was 11 o’clock already, but there were two text messages from ten minutes ago. Alex breathed a sigh of relief and opened them.

**Henry♡, friday 10:57pm**  
_I need to talk to you. There’s a news article.  
Please come home, love._

Ominous, and Alex hated that there was already a news article about tonight, but he had called him “love.” That had to be a good sign, right? Alex bit his lip and shrugged Lucas off as he headed out of the bar.

“Alex,-” Lucas tried to say as they were walking down the street towards his car.

“Shut the fuck up, Lucas, do you have any idea what you did?” He turned to face him, slightly dizzy. “You tell one person something about my life, the next day everyone will know about it. Henry says he’s already seen something about us in the news! How am I supposed to explain that?”

Lucas looked shocked, as if he had expected Alex to be perfectly okay with what he had done, but said nothing. He opened the passenger door for Alex before getting in the drivers side, still silent. He opened his mouth once as he drove Alex to his apartment, but nothing came out. Alex was fuming. He took his phone out and texted Henry.

**Alex, friday 11:19pm**  
_im so sorry  
im on my way_

Lucas pulled up at the brownstone a few minutes later, and for a second they both just sat there. “Alex, I am sorry,” he said finally. “I didn’t think about the papers like that, I just assumed that since you’re gonna break up anyways, it would be easier.”

“And as much as I appreciate that you want to help me, I would appreciate it more if you fucked off and stopped trying to mess up my relationship with Henry,” Alex said as he got out of the car. He walked around the front of it and stopped in front of Lucas, who had gotten out as well for some reason. “I love him, okay? We aren’t breaking up.”

“Not even if there was someone better?” asked Lucas, eyebrows raised. 

“Who would be better?” asked Alex incredulously. “The bartender was right, I literally fought the queen of England for him. No one is better.” He reached into his pocket for his phone again as he tried to step around Lucas, but realised it wasn’t in his pocket. “Shit,” he said, checking his other pocket. It had to be in the car, then, because he’d texted Henry in the car.

“What?” asked Lucas, his voice flat.

“My phone-” Alex said, leaning through the open drivers-side door and looking on the passenger's side for it. Luckily, it was just on the seat. He picked it up and turned around.

Lucas was standing in front of him, pressing him against the side of his car, and the next few things were a blur through the alcohol Alex had consumed.

Alex’s hands were pressed next to him, restrained by Lucas, and then their lips were pressed together. Alex felt faint, his head pounding. He tried to move away, but Lucas was pushing him back into the cool outer metal of his car, and both his hands were being held at his side. He jerked his head back enough to say, “Stop,” but it was quiet and his voice was scratchy and high-pitched. Lucas smiled against his lips and pulled him closer. He had been kissing him for a few seconds now, and already Alex wanted to throw up (and not because he was drunk). 

He tried to pull his hands away again, to push back against the man he thought was his friend, but Lucas played for an indoor soccer team on weekends, and was stronger than Alex was. So Alex resorted to bringing his knee up and hitting him between his legs. Lucas yelped and stepped back.

“What the fuck, Lucas?” he said, storming over to him after wiping his wrist across his mouth. It felt acrid. His phone buzzed as he stood in front of the person who had basically assaulted him (Alex wasn’t sure if a kiss counted as assault, but it was definitely not consensual). He took it out and froze. Blinked. Stared at the text.

**Henry♡, friday 11:27pm**  
_Don’t bother.  
I saw you and Lucas._

“No,” Alex whispered, his hand shaking. “No no no no no.” He pressed the call button.

“Henry please-” he said as soon as the call connected.

“Did you not see my text,” came the quiet reply. Alex recognised that voice as Henry trying very hard not to cry. “I saw the news. And I saw you and him through the window. So don’t bother coming inside. I don’t care where you go. Just go. Leave. I can’t believe you would do this to me- God, I kept telling myself it wasn’t like that between you and him, and then you brought him _home,_ and it was just- God, Alex. Just leave.” 

“Henry, listen to me-”

But he hung up.

Alex turned to Lucas. “You’re fucking _done,_ you hear me?” he said, his voice shaking worse than his hands. “You can’t just _kiss_ someone in front of their _house_ when they’re in a _relationship._ Now Henry thinks I fucking cheated on him! Do you have any idea what you just did?!” Lucas raised his hands up in surrender, a bit of pain still visible on his face. 

“Just say you didn’t want me to kiss you if you care that bad, Jesus,” he said, as if he hadn’t just destroyed Alex’s entire future. “Or you could just be with me instead. You were bound to break up, you said it yourself. I was getting tired of waiting for you to figure it out, and Henry obviously doesn’t want you.”

“Because he thinks I _cheated,_ you motherfucker!” Alex was yelling now, swearing way more than the average human should, and probably waking people up because it was almost midnight, but he doubted he would care even if someone called the police on him. “He won’t talk to me!”

“Need a place to stay, then?” How was Lucas acting like this? Had he always been this awful? Alex had always been good at seeing if people were good or bad, if he should trust them or not, and for some reason he had trusted Lucas. 

Had he been planning this? Alex swore under his breath and sat on the curb at a safe distance from Lucas. Of course he had. He’d kept touching him, following him to classes, eating lunch with him, studying with him - Alex had been oblivious when Henry had liked him in secret, and he had been just as oblivious with Lucas. He dropped his head into his hands.

“Alex-”

“Fuck. Off.” 

“What-”

“Lucas.” Alex was trying to be calm, because right now he wanted to break something and if he didn't take deep breaths he’d end up breaking Lucas’s nose. “If you don’t drive away _right now_ I’m going to do something I’ll deeply regret in the morning. So fuck off, and never, _ever_ talk to me again.”

Lucas said nothing, but sighed as he got in the car and drove away. Alex looked back at his phone.

**Alex, friday 11:35pm**  
_henry please it wasnt what it looked like_  
MESSAGE NOT RECEIVED

“No no no no,” he whispered again. He tried sending another message; the same thing. “Fuck.” Henry had blocked him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SO sorry about this one, but I think ya'll saw it coming... that lack of communication will really get them here :/
> 
> I won't be updating as early as usual tomorrow because I don't wake up as early, but I'll try to get chpt 7 up as soon as I can tomorrow :)


	7. Suffocate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry sees Alex and Lucas and refuses to speak to Alex. June calls and tries to help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is the song "Suffocate" by Hayd :)

Henry POV:

Henry had heard everything Alex and Lucas had said while they were sitting on the couch. _“Didn’t you just tell me yesterday that you think you guys are gonna break up?”_ Had heard everything they had said in the kitchen after he had walked out. _“Just do what you said and leave him.”_ And he just couldn’t take it. It was so obvious Lucas liked Alex, that he wanted Alex to break up with Henry so that he and Alex could be together, and that was just too much. 

As soon as Alex had left after Henry told him to leave, he’d regretted what he had said. Alex had looked really sad after everything Henry had said; maybe he hadn’t been cheating on him. But it was still all too much. Alex had no right to invite someone who was actively flirting with him into their home, and then he’d been _confused_ when Henry had been upset about it? Alex couldn’t possibly be so smart but so stupid at the same time.

He’d laid on the couch for a few hours, wondering what Alex was doing, whether he and Lucas were together at the moment, when his phone had buzzed with a news alert. 

**Alex Claremont-Diaz, FSOTUS, Spotted with Man in Neons Bar in NY. Are He and Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor over?**

Henry tried to avoid looking at news articles of him or Alex, as they were usually only half-right or just straight up lies, but… there was a picture of someone who was definitely Alex, and Lucas was beside him, a hand pressed into his lower back. 

Henry’s hand shook as he texted Alex to come home. He wouldn’t jump to conclusions until he talked to Alex. Lucas could have just been helping him balance, for whatever reason. Alex wouldn’t… But it seemed that each passing moment of today had destabilised their relationship more and more. Henry honestly couldn’t figure out _what_ was going on between Alex and Lucas, other than that Lucas obviously wanted his boyfriend.

**Alex♡, friday 11:19pm**  
_im so sorry  
im on my way_

Henry breathed a sigh of relief at the text. He would ask Alex what was going on. He would just say, “are you cheating on me with Lucas?” And he would get a straight answer, and he would know if Alex was lying, and then that would be it. And if Alex _wasn’t_ cheating on him (Henry hoped that was the case), Henry would try to convince him to stop talking to Lucas. Which seemed like, yes, a toxic thing to do, but Lucas was obviously trying to get with Alex.

He went over to the window to watch for Alex, looking down at the street. A moment later, a car appeared, one he didn’t recognise. It stopped in front of the brownstone, and for a second nobody got out. Then Alex stepped out of the passenger side and slammed the door shut. A blonde man stepped out from the drivers side - Henry grimaced - and stood leaning against the car. Alex seemed to be talking to Lucas for a moment before he reached into the car to get something.

When Alex stood up, Lucas leaned in. 

And then they were kissing.

Henry stepped back against his will, eyes wide. No. _No._

When he looked back out a second later, they were still kissing. He backed into the living room and, knees weak, took out his phone and sat on the edge of the couch. His eyes were swimming in tears as he opened his messages to tell Alex not to come inside. He couldn’t talk to Alex after seeing that. He didn’t know if he could talk to anyone, ever again, about anything without breaking into tears.

Alex called him, but Henry didn’t let him talk. He didn’t deserve to talk, after what he’d just done. Henry hung up after telling him not to come back and, before he regretted it, blocked his number.

Then he cried.

\--- --- ---

“Henry, what’s going on?” Bea had called him the morning after his world had gone up in flames, and Henry had been too tired not to answer. “Why does everything say that you and Alex broke up?”

Henry tried to answer, but he just started sobbing again, laying in bed with the curtains drawn tightly shut. 

“Henry, love, please talk to me,” Bea said. “Was Alex- did he-”

“I saw him, Bea,” Henry said quietly, trying to stifle his sobs. “Him and some guy, Lucas. They were kissing, right outside the window. What kind of person does that?”

“Oh, Henry.” 

“I didn’t know what to do, I just told him not to come home.” He was whispering now. “What am I supposed to do? I left everything for him, I moved to _America_ for him, and he just went off with some other guy and didn’t even have the decency to tell me he was done with me.”

Bea was quiet. 

“Christ, no wonder he was never home anymore,” Henry said suddenly. “Studying, he said. He was probably just with Luc- with that guy. Guess it wouldn’t be his first time keeping a relationship quiet.”

“Henry, are you _sure_ of what you saw?” asked Bea quietly. “That doesn’t sound like Alex at all.”

“Yes, I’m sure. And I _know_ it doesn’t sound like Alex, that’s why I’m so bloody confused.” He was crying again.

“I wish I could come and help, I’m sorry I’m not there,” said Bea.

“I know,” Henry said.

\--- --- ---

There were more headlines now.

**FSOTUS Staying in Hotel in NY - Trouble in Paradise?**

**Private Source Indicates Breakup Between FSOTUS and Prince Henry of Wales**

**Does Alex Claremont-Diaz Have a New Boyfriend?**

Henry curled up on the couch and turned on Bake Off. Pez was coming over later, hopefully to distract him or cheer him up. His phone had been buzzing all day, texts from everyone he knew.

**Bea, saturday 6:23am**  
_I hope you’re okay  
Mum was in meetings all day but she sends her love  
I’ll make sure she calls you_

**Pez, saturday 8:03am**  
_I’m coming over, we can cry together_

**June, saturday 10:02pm**  
_Alex won’t talk to me about what happened  
I dont trust the news about stuff like this, what happened henry_

And it was too much. It was _all. Too. Much._ And somehow, after seeing Alex kissing another man with his own eyes, Henry still loved him, and that was too much. There were tweets, and instagram messages, and more headlines, and all Henry wanted to do was fall into an abyss and never climb out again. 

Henry wasn’t even mad at him. Just hurt. Alex had been distant with him for weeks, hadn’t touched him for weeks, and apparently that was all because of Lucas. He had found someone new, someone who, like Lucas said, knew what Alex was going through. So if Alex really was happier with this new guy, Henry wasn’t going to get in the way of his happiness. If Alex was bored or fed up with Henry, then there wasn’t anything he would be able to do about it, other than just accept it and try to move on.

He would never move on, though. The thought alone made Henry shiver. He had been in love with Alex for over five years. He’d been dating him for almost two of those. It took so much for Henry to give himself away; part of him belonged to Alex now, a part he would never get back.

He knew Alex wouldn’t come back to the brownstone unless Henry told him to, at least. Henry had told him to leave, and Alex would respect that. Though now Henry wasn’t so sure about anything Alex would or wouldn’t do; he had cheated on him, after all. 

\--- --- ---

Pez had offered to stay the night and keep Henry company after they had hung out for a while, but Henry had refused, not wanting to force Pez to be around him while he was so depressed. So Henry lay alone in bed, which was nothing new lately, scrolling through his phone. 

**An In-Depth Look Into FSOTUS Relationship w/ Fellow Law Classmate, Lucas Brownings**

**Prince Henry of Wales Yet to Make Statement on Rumours of a Breakup**

Henry threw his phone onto the empty side of the bed. It was useless, he shouldn’t be looking at these headlines. 

His phone buzzed a second later, and he picked it back up like the fool he was.

**FSOTUS Claims He is NOT in New Relationship - Refuses to Make Further Comments**

Henry stared, his hand shaking slightly. So Alex and Lucas _weren’t_ together? Or was Alex only saying that because he just wanted Henry more than Lucas? This was all so confusing. It was difficult to keep the Alex Henry knew separate from the one he had seen yesterday kissing Lucas.

**June, saturday 9:34pm**  
_I hate being in the middle of things but these headlines are insane - alex wants to talk to you_

**Henry, saturday 9:37**  
_I don’t want to talk to him._

**June, saturday 9:39**  
_I really think you should hear him out_

He sighed and, once again, tossed the phone on the bed. He lay down to sleep, hoping that he didn’t dream about a certain son of the President. 

\--- --- ---

Henry spent the entirety of Sunday in bed, gorging on Jaffa Cakes and watching Bake Off on his laptop. He got more texts, more notifications, and ignored every one. His life was over as he knew it, with Alex gone. Henry didn’t know what to do anymore.

\--- --- ---

On Monday morning, Henry woke to a call from June. He didn’t want to pick up, but he was worried that June would think he had hurt himself, so he did.

“Hello?” he said, his voice groggy. 

“Henry, hi, please talk to Alex,” was June's fast, instantaneous reply. 

“Why,” Henry said.

“Because he feels absolutely horrible about what happened and what you saw, and you have to talk to him.”

“I know what I saw, June. And how do you know that? You’re in LA right now.”

June sighed over the phone. “Because we have things called cell phones, and Alex has been using his to talk to me. At first he wouldn’t even say anything, just let us yell at him about what we were reading. We made him explain eventually, though.”

“Explain _what?_ He kissed someone else. He’s blown me off for said someone else before, and he probably would have continued to do so if I didn’t see them. He brought him to our- to my _house,_ for Christ's sake,” said Henry, trying to keep his voice in check.

“No- Henry, please just talk to him. Ask him to explain, alright?”

“I-”

“Please, okay? He feels horrible. I promise it’s not what you think.”

“June-”

“If you love him, Henry, find him and talk to him.”

He sighed and agreed, and hung up. And he hoped beyond hope that June was right, and that what he had seen wasn’t what he thought it was. Though he couldn’t figure out how, exactly, he could have missed something. Alex had been distant. Alex didn’t want to kiss him. Alex had a new friend whom he seemed very close to and who flirted with him. Alex had supposedly suggested they would break up. And Alex had kissed that person, the person who wasn’t Henry. Every cheating story, the basic outline was putting up walls and then being caught, and that was what had happened.

He got out of bed around 10 and made tea, then sat and watched the news without really watching. Then a short segment on Alex and the speculation on whether or not he was in a new relationship came on, and a video clip played before Henry could change the channel. 

It was Alex, standing in front of what looked like a hotel. His hair was askew and he looked awful (beautiful, but awful), and a large reporters microphone was being jammed into his face.

“Alex Claremont-Diaz, are you and Prince Henry officially over?” a reporter asked from off-screen. “Why are you staying at the Marriott Hotel instead of with your reported new boyfriend, Lucas Brownings?” 

Henry watched as Alex glared at the screen. “I _don’t_ have a new boyfriend, okay, can y’all stop hounding me? Me and Henry are fine.” And he turned on his heels and walked into the hotel, where two men were standing outside blocking the reporters from entering. 

The clip disappeared and returned to the news, where some gossip columnists were talking. “We really don’t know how this is all playing out right now, Sandy,” a man said to the woman next to him. “Honestly, I don’t know if I believe the FSOTUS on this one.”

“Well,” the woman said, “why would he lie? Maybe they’re just going through a bit of a rough patch. Happens to the best of us.”

Henry groaned and turned off the TV. Why couldn’t people just _mind their own business?_ What did people get out of talking about other people’s private relationships? Alex had said in the clip that they were fine, though. That he wasn’t in another relationship. And he was staying at a hotel, not at Lucas’s… 

June’s words echoed in his head. _I promise it’s not what you think. If you love him, find him and talk to him._

He stood up and grabbed his phone, and walked to the door. It was raining outside, surprisingly, so he grabbed his coat and, before Henry could change his mind, walked out the door. June had told him to talk to Alex, and that was what he would do. Even if Alex had lied, and was over with Henry, it was something he needed to hear in person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're finally gonna talk to each other :))
> 
> Only three more chapters after this!


	8. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex yells at Lucas some more, and then goes to find Henry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super short chapter this time, sorry!
> 
> Chapter title is the song "Falling" by Harry Styles :)

Alex POV:

Alex was slowly going insane. It had only been two days without Henry, but it felt like forever.

Well.

It was more than two days, probably. If Alex really thought about it, he hadn’t played an active role in their relationship for weeks, not since law school started. In a way, this was all his fault. No, of course this was all his fault, but the reason Henry thought he had been cheating on him in the first place (other than that he had seen Lucas kissing him) was that Alex had been so distant. And he hadn’t even noticed how bad it was until it was too late. He had never been home, always at the library or getting coffee or doing _something_ that didn’t involve spending time with his boyfriend. What was Henry supposed to think, other than that Alex no longer wanted to be with him?

He had gone through the weekend in a daze, calling June and Nora and warding off the hoards of press who wouldn’t leave him alone. Luckily, he had guards at the hotel to prevent obvious reporters from getting into the hotel he was staying at for however long he had to, but somehow people still got inside. He’d finally given in and told the reporters that no, he was _not_ in a relationship with Lucas, had never planned on being in one with him, and that _yes,_ he and Henry were still together.

In all honesty, Alex didn’t know if they were still together. But Henry hadn’t said anything to the press, and it was getting to be a lot. There were too many rumours flying around about their relationship already, this had just added to it and made it a thousand times worse.

The first thing he’d done was call June, but he hadn’t even known where to begin explaining. After Lucas had kissed him and Henry had sent him away, Alex had been alone in his hotel room to ruminate over everything. And it was _painfully_ obvious that Lucas had been flirting with him, perhaps for the whole time he’d known him. It sucked, because after Henry Alex had assumed he would realise when a guy was flirting with him (not that he wanted people to flirt with him, he just assumed he would know it when he heard it). But apparently he was still oblivious when it came to that.

His classes on monday had probably been educational, and he probably should have been paying attention to them, but Lucas had been sitting next to him and it had taken every ounce of strength and control he had not to punch him. It was _his_ fault Henry was upset, _his_ fault that the love of his life might be done with him. 

Alex had promised himself that even though Henry had told him to leave, if he didn’t try to talk to him by the end of the week then Alex would go find him himself. He couldn't let this relationship end over a misunderstanding like this.

The thing was, Alex didn’t know if the fact that Henry had seen Lucas kissing him had been the only reason he’d gotten mad. Alex had never been home, and even when he was home he was never really _there._ He’d told Henry that he made him want to live in the present, but being at law school had made him live ten years in the future again. No wonder Henry had had enough. Seeing Lucas kiss Alex was probably just the last straw.

When his last class ended, Alex went to the library as he usually did. He especially needed it today, when he hadn’t taken any notes and couldn’t even be sure he had actually attended all his classes. He waved off the people trailing after him, saying “are you okay?” or “are the headlines true?” Sometimes, Alex hated that his mother was the President.

He was sitting at a table by the back, surrounded by books and piles of highlighted notes, when a blonde man walked up to him and sat down.

“Alex,” said Lucas, leaning over into Alex’s space.

“Lucas,” Alex responded, keeping his voice calm, not looking up. “I specifically remember telling you never to talk to me again, so why are you here?”

“I wanted to say I’m sorry, and that I hope we can still be friends.”

Alex looked up very slowly, and stared at the man he used to think was a friend. “I’m sorry? You hope we can _still be friends?_ ” He leaned over his books towards Lucas. “Let me set something straight for you. We,” he motioned between them, “are not friends. You kissed me, knowing Henry was watching, _knowing_ I was in a relationship, and completely without my consent!” He was being as quiet as possible, with them being in a library and all, but it was getting kind of hard. 

“You were already complaining about you and Henry, I figured I would try and make it easy for you to get over him!”

“When did I once ever say I wanted to get over him? I never even said I wanted to break up with him!”

Lucas held his hands up in an I-give-up posture. “Sorry, man. I was just trying to help.”

“Well fuck you and fuck your help,” said Alex. “Get lost.”

Lucas sighed through his nose and stood. Alex watched him go with no emotions; how had he not seen how awful Lucas was before this had happened? He’d misjudged Lucas the same way he’d misjudged Henry, except this was worse, because he had thought Lucas was _good._

He sat back in his chair and took a deep breath.

“...Alex ?” a girl was standing in front of him, looking at him with a nervous expression.

“Yes?” he said, exasperated. What now?

“”Um… right, so, Prince Henry was definitely just standing over there, and he looked like he wanted to talk to you, but then he left?” Alex jerked his head up and over to where she was pointing, by the door of the room. 

“Uh, what’s your name?” Alex asked quickly, standing up and trying to gather his things together. Had Henry just tried to come and talk to him? If he had, Alex had to catch him before he left.

“Amanda,” the girl answered, smiling a bit. “I’m in your civil rights class. I don’t really know if the news is telling the truth about you and him, but you definitely seemed off today. I just thought I’d let you know in case something was going on?” She seemed nervous, but was speaking with confidence. “And if something bad did happen between you two, I think you should go after him before he leaves.”

Alex swung his bag over his shoulder and pushed in his chair. “Amanda, I cannot thank you enough for telling me” he said. “Do you know which way he went?”

She pointed towards the left hallway, which led out into more rooms of shelves and eventually into a back alley near the parking lot. Alex nodded and left as quickly as possible, praying that Henry hadn’t gone yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting the last two chapters tomorrow because I can't wait :)
> 
> I hope you're enjoying so far :)))


	9. Take Me Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex finds Henry and they talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is the song "Take Me Back" by Addict

Henry POV:

When Henry had arrived at the library, he hadn’t really known where to find Alex. Eventually he’d just gone up to someone and asked where the law books were, and went from there. But when he’d finally found Alex, a familiar blonde man was sitting besides him. He’d watched for a moment as they’d talked to each other, and then left in a random direction. He must have been wrong. Alex must have lied about not being with Lucas, if they were talking now.

Eventually he made it through a door and out into an alleyway. It was pouring rain still, and visibility was limited, so he just leaned against the stone wall under a small overhang and hung his head. That was it. He’d gone after Alex, but it was too late. Alex was gone, had given up waiting and was with someone new. Henry wasn’t sure how he was supposed to get through this; the only person he’d ever been that close to was his father, and he _still_ hadn’t entirely accepted that he was gone even after all this time.

A door slammed open from a bit away, and Henry glanced up to see Alex looking around wildly, rain pouring into his face.

“Oh thank God,” Henry heard him say as Alex spotted him. He stood rooted to the spot as Alex ran at him through the rain, almost laughing at the sight. And then Alex stood in front of him, rain dripping down his perfect face onto his hastily thrown on raincoat.

“Alex…” he breathed, not quite believing what was happening. Had he seen him in the library? How had he known Henry had been there?

“Henry, God, I’m so sorry, about _everything,_ please let me explain- this girl from my class saw you inside, she told me to come find you-”

“Alex,” Henry said again, more firmly this time. He reached out and held Alex’s arms. 

“Right, sorry, I’m talking really fast aren’t I?” Alex said, taking a deep breath. “Um… can I explain what happened, please? Because I would never, ever cheat on you, love, okay? I didn’t even know Lucas was into me!”

Henry swallowed and nodded, telling himself not to interrupt and hoping this wasn’t a dream.

“I’m just so fucking stupid sometimes, I’m so sorry. I never should have brought him over, I didn’t know he wanted me like that. If I had, I never would have even talked to him.” Alex was still talking fast, but his voice was like heaven to Henry and he absorbed every word. “He kept flirting with me at the bar, lying to the bartender, and it was so fucking stupid and I told him to bring me home, and then I was trying to get by him and he just kissed me and God, Henry, I’m so sorry. He was, like, holding my wrists? It was fucking awful, I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Weren’t-” His voice cracked. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Weren’t you just talking to him? Just now?”

“I was telling that asshole to leave me alone and never talk to me again. I never should have been friends with him in the first place, friends don’t do that, please, Henry, I’m so sorry-”

“Alex,” Henry said softly. He was almost certain this was a dream, but he didn’t want it to end. “I trust you. If that’s what you said happened, then it happened.” And it was true; for as long as Henry had known Alex, he had never once lied to him. The only reason he would not trust him was because of Lucas kissing him, but if Alex was here telling him that Lucas had forced himself on him, then it wasn’t Alex’s fault.

“I’m so sorry, love. For Lucas, and for everything else.” Henry couldn’t tell if the water pouring down Alex’s face was from the rain or tears. Probably both. “I’ve been awful the last few months, and I didn’t even realise. I was so caught up with work that I forgot to focus on more important things. You’re the most important thing of all, Henry.” Alex took Henry’s face in his hands and looked him in the eyes, brown to blue. “If you can’t be with me after this, I would understand. I’ve been an awful boyfriend. I let someone flirt with me and didn’t even notice, I forgot about our plans all the time, I haven’t even really _kissed_ you in ages… I would get it, if you were fed up with it all.”

Henry frowned and covered Alex’s hands with his own. “I love you, alright?” he said. “I’ve loved you from the moment we met. I’ll never stop loving you. Yes, I was… upset, often, that you weren’t being very involved in our relationship, but sweetheart, I trust you, and if you say it was all Lucas, and if you say you’re sorry, then I believe you. I’m never giving you up. Honestly, I thought you were getting bored of me, that maybe Lucas made you happier. If that were the case, I would have let you go.”

“Baby, no.” There were definitely tears streaming down Alex’s face now. “I love you. I’m just too stupid to notice when a guy’s flirting with me. And I get way too invested in work. But I could never get bored of you, not in a million years.”

Henry stared at him, and there was nothing but honesty in Alex’s face and words. So he did what any sane person would do if Alex Claremont-Diaz were their boyfriend, and kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This and the next chapter are both really short sorry, hope you're enjoying :)


	10. Nobody Compares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They work it out and everything is better? idk i've never finished a story before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is the song "Nobody Compares" by One Direction (I love them sm)  
> I hope you enjoy the last chapter!!

Alex POV:

Henry was kissing him, and he hadn’t been mad, or questioned Alex. He _trusted_ Alex. So Alex pulled Henry closer, then pushed him up against the wall and curled his fingers through his rain-soaked hair. His mouth felt like home, his tongue like heaven, and he hoped they could stay this way forever, rain and tears mixing together as they kissed beneath the skies. How had he almost forgotten what it felt like to _really_ kiss Henry? How had he almost forgotten how good their passion and love felt?

“Next time a guy that isn’t me kisses you, could you just hit him?” Henry said into his lips. “Then just run into my arms so I can sicc the PPOs on him. Don’t let me kick you out; pound down the door if you must.”

Alex laughed. “I kneed him between the legs. He probably can’t have children anymore after that.”

Henry pulled away slightly and looked at him. “How was I such an idiot? How could I think you were cheating on me? I knew you would never, yet somehow I convinced myself you had found someone else without even talking to you first.”

“It’s my fault, love,” Alex reassured, leaning them both forwards so their foreheads were resting against each other. “I forgot that you needed me more than my classes did. I kept thinking _after college I can be a better boyfriend,_ but I could have been being a better boyfriend _now_ and still done well enough in class for my standards.” He kissed Henry again, slower this time.

“You aren’t upset that I thought… well, that I thought you were cheating on me?” asked Henry, pulling away again.

“Why would _I_ be upset, it’s entirely my fault! And anyways, I should have just barged right into the house anyways and talked to you. I should never have let this go on so long.”

“Why didn’t you?”

Alex bit his lip. “You’d never told me to leave before… so when you did, I just wanted to respect that, and wait until you were ready to talk. But I did tell myself that if you didn’t find me by the end of the week, I’d do what I usually do and just find you myself.”

“Oh, Alex,” murmured Henry. He pulled him back in for another kiss, light and soft and Henry, and it was all okay.

\--- --- ---

Alex got to the brownstone half an hour after his last class ended and pulled out the chain he wore, which held two keys and Henry’s ring. He unlocked the door and quietly slipped inside, hoping not to disturb Henry if he was doing something important. Luckily, he was just in the kitchen making coffee.

“Do you suddenly drink coffee?” he asked good-naturedly, leaving his bag on the edge of the counter and crowding Henry into the counter. Henry laughed and turned around to meet Alex’s lips in a kiss.

“I was making it for you,” he said, pulling away and smiling. “I’m glad you’re home.”

“Me too, baby. I promised I’d do better, didn’t I?” He smirked as Henry melted at baby and kissed his boyfriend again.

“Yes, you did,” answered Henry. He removed the coffee pot and started making it just the way Alex liked it, which had Alex practically melting into Henry’s arms. “We’re gonna make a schedule, alright? For which days you can unhealthily stay at the library for hours and which day’s you’re duty-bound to come home and eat dinner with your boyfriend.” Alex smiled and nodded. This was good. Henry was happy, Alex was happy, and everything was good.

He set the coffee down and kissed Henry again, bringing his hands to Henry’s hips. “Thank you,” he breathed against his soft lips, “for not leaving me after all the mistakes I’ve made.”

“If I did that I’d be playing right into Lucas’s dirty hands, wouldn’t I?” joked Henry. “And we can’t have that.”

“You’re amazing.”

“Oh, I know, sweetheart, I know,” answered Henry, and Alex kissed him again, smiling into it at the knowledge that he’d be with Henry for the rest of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you _so much_ for taking the time to read whatever the heck this fic was, and thank you all the amazing comments and kudos :))) I hope you've enjoyed :)

**Author's Note:**

> The majority of this fic is veryyy angsty and sad/emotional, and it made me cry while writing it, but I was interested in seeing how these characters would react in a situation like this so I wanted to write about it :) I PROMISE it has a happy ending for both of them!


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